Tag Archives: blogging

Without my consent…jobless

I lost my job on Friday.  Something about cut backs and no funding.  I was never content nor was I happy punching numbers into a computer all day.  It was time to go and they could see and so could I.

I applied for a job today which is really far from where I live.  I am keeping my options open to the possibilities that surround me.  I know I should be scared to have no job, but I am welcoming the time off to rejuvenate for the next step in my career.

Well, I am off to make bacon and spinach Quiche and to finish crocheting my daughter’s blanket.

I know it’s been awhile but I was inspired by an email one of my blog readers sent me this morning.

Thank you for reminding me.

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SOCIAL NETWORKING

I think I need to write something.  It’s been a few days since I have had anything to say.  If you know me, you know I love to talk so that is really odd of me.  There was one day I was on vomit patrol for twenty four hours. My daughter had the stomach bug and I had a stinky house.

I have been busy researching how I can send a few of my short stories to journals and magazines.  What a daunting task.  What I have learned this week is that I need to continue writing more stories and truly finding my voice and what I want to say.  I found some really great websites and subscribed to a few to get writing prompts delivered to me daily.  I really like this one, check it out here.  This website is pretty awesome also and my short story Back in Time was a weekly prompt challenge I did.

I have been building my social media platform.  The buzzword now is this is really important to get noticed.  It’s pretty cool to get retweeted and to be followed by other authors and publishers.  I also created the famous Facebook Page and will link my blog posts automatically. I plan to add some cool websites I find on there too. You can follow me on Twitter(hashtag and all) and like my Facebook page.

Tonight I read a post from one of my favourite bloggers.  What he had to say really helped to solidify the hard work I do to create a name for myself on the Internet.  It has not been easy to do. As an aspiring writer your brain is always on the go. You become so observant of everything, every word people say and everything that happens around you. You never know, something you see today may be your story tomorrow.

You can read what Opinionated Man he has to say by following this link.

And I want to thank my “readership” for following my stories and my blog. Everytime, I get a comment, a like or a follow it simply makes my day. I have been honored and humbled to go from 50 followers to 111 in less than a month.

As Cuba Gooding Jr. said when he accepted his Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Jerry Maguire in 1997, “thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 

The Narcissist Writes

I am not one for debating the opinions of what other writers say on their blogs.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  Often, if I disagree with something I have read I quietly move on to another blog.  However, a few days ago I came across several posts by an interesting blogger named thenarcissistwrites and I felt compelled to say something.

I knew what I wanted to say but I struggled with how softly I could deliver my message without sounding too blunt or looking like I was trying to be mean or arrogant.

The writer states that she is a Narc and uses her blog as a way to atone for the horrible things she has done to people.  She writes several posts about making a fake dating profile and then pulling in a man she knew by pretending to be someone else.  The post continues to tell stories cheating on her husband and using an ex boyfriend that she has no feelings for.

What really intrigued me was she wrote about the capacity to understand what she was doing to people and the impact of these behaviours.  However, I really questioned if she did really want to change any of it.  As I read, I could envision the devilish smile on this writer’s face.  The satisfaction she felt knowing the people she hurt.  I really questioned, did she really care and was she using her blog as a way to atone, as she claimed or rather to boast. She even mentioned that people liked to manipulated by her.

So, I had to respond.  I know a little bit about Narcissistic Personality Disorder as I highly believe my ex is one.  Maybe it was because of the trauma I went through at the hands of an undiagnosed Narc that I could not hold back my opinion.

If you look at the symptoms of what constitutes the characteristics of a Narc, I could not understand how anyone would be proud to write about it. I have read so many survivor stories from people who have been victims of this psychological warfare and how difficult it is to move forward with their lives without significant therapy.

Narc’s fool everyone with their deception, they manipulate and they abuse.  They are emotional predators and they leave the people they have destroyed struggling to figure out what has happened to them.

I challenged this writer and she challenged me.  I commented, that from what I have read and have understood, the majority of Narc’s would never admit or have the capacity to even consider atoning for anything.  They just don’t do that.  The world revolves around them and they are incapable of having any inkling of emotion for anyone else.  They have no ability to be in someone’s else’s shoe and they take no accountability nor responsibility for their actions.

I advised the writer that maybe she was not a Narc, but just an unkind person.  We commented back and worth in a very healthy way.  At the end of the day, whether she is a Narc or not, she is genius at writing, with such descriptive words that you have no other choice but to be pulled into her world.  Boy, did she pull me in as I read and re-read her blog posts and her comments.

I may disagree with what she writes and the way she may boast her story, but I just had to click that follow button, because I did not want to miss a beat of what antics she would be up to next.

And, she clicked to follow me.  Check out her blog here.  She writes to piss you off but keeps you coming back for more.

 

 

 

In addition, many narc’s would never assume that there was anything wrong with how they are behaving.

 

Life Is Like A Blog…..

It’s 6am in the morning and I have been contemplating since last night what I should write for my first assignment for Blogging 101.  The first assignment was to tell my story about why I am blogging and to introduce myself to the Blogging 101 community.  I had already done that on two occasions.

I started blogging in September 2013 when my relationship ended.  I was very angry and I wanted the world to know how I felt.  I wanted my ex to come across my blog one day and see how much he had hurt me.  Maybe he would care. I introduced myself as a newly separated black woman with an ex who had done the unthinkable.  He was unfaithful.

I took some time off from writing and blogging as I made a very lame attempt of trying to get this man back in my life.  I really missed him.  I was stuck in the past with the wonderful memories we had.  I just wanted my old life back as quickly as I had lost it.

Then I woke up and asked myself why I was trying so hard to get someone to love me again.  It just didn’t seem fair to me.  So, after four months of almost losing my dignity, I came back to WordPress and reread my first initial blog entries.

I could not believe what I had read.  I was that bitter jilted ex lover, you hear about in books, in movies and on television.   I did not want to be this person.  I was not this person. I continued reading and the more I read, the more those old feelings came back to me.  Rejection, humiliation, devastation and pain.  I no longer wanted to feel like that.

I wasn’t sure if I should leave my old blogs out there for the world to see.  I spoke with a friend about what I had written in September 2013 and what he thought I should do with those blogs.    He told me, that those stories were part of this journey, part of my healing and part of of my growth.  He told me to leave them up, as they were, unedited and raw.  I agreed.

So I left my first stories that were thrown into blogsphere exactly where they had fallen.   As I began to recreate myself on WordPress(I no longer wanted to be identified as the jilted ex lover), my stories were funnier, had more depth and emotion(good ones).  I did not want to be connected to how I felt back in September 2013.  I am no longer that person.  It’s my ex’s fault he lost a good woman and he will have to live with that decision for the rest of his life.  I decided that I would not delete my initial blogs, I would make them private, just for me and for whomever, I chose to share my story with.

Maybe they will make it into my book that I want to publish.  Maybe they will forever stay private.  Who knows at this point.  Time will tell.  I am not done healing yet.  They say if you can tell your story without crying, then you know you are healed.  I don’t cry anymore.  However, I still feel that knot in my stomach when I think about him, about us and about the plans we had made.

So what began as a personal diary has now become a lifelong dream.  I want to be a published author.  I want t o inspire people. I want my “voice” to be heard.

So, keep reading I am not done yet.

 

Why I Blog

I  having been thinking the last few days that I wanted to come up with a way to close the chapter to my initial blogs.  After four months, I came back to WordPress to see what the community had been up to after my departure.  I read a few blogs from people I follow and from some that I hadn’t come across yet.  Life had gone on without me and the stories and creativity was overwhelming. I felt inspired by the honesty of being open, and I wanted to get back to what motivated me.  Writing.

Then I read my blog, every single post I had ever made to date.  That is when it hit me, I didn’t feel that way anymore.  I wasn’t sure, if I wanted to keep all that bitterness, angry and pain out there for the world to see.  I contemplated removing my posts, copying them and storing them somewhere else, that only I could have access to.  Was removing blogs cheating in the blogging world?

After some contemplation, I have decided to leave my posts up, as is in the rawest form.  They tell my story of what brought me online to share my pain with the world.  They have been a huge catalyst for the change I HAD to make in my life at a time, when I felt I did not know who I was and what I had to offer this world. I was a heart broken woman, a mother, a newly single parent and most of all a lost soul.

It’s been a great journey so far.  I have heard of people finding themselves at different points in their lives and that after a break up,  finding out who you are is even more important.  Whether you believe in God, the Universe, Universal Magic, the Field or whatever name you want to label it, I have found mine.  It’s taken many books for me to find my purpose of why I was here.  I have read God’s gonna make you laugh, Power of Intention, Bastard Husband, Why Men Love Bitches,  The Power of Now, Esquared…and many more which have helped me on my journey of self discovery.

I have developed some great friendships with people I met online and I plan to keep these friends for the rest of my life.  We have been through the highs and lows together.  They have kept me from falling apart, when at times it seemed like the only reasonable solution.  Although, we are now moving into different stages of our life and we have never met in person, our friendship has been the most important thing to me over the last few months.

I have stopped being angry at my ex for cheating on me.  I will never understand how anyone can do what he did to another human being.  I have learned it is not up to me to understand his choices, it’s his cross to bear and it is he who must look at himself in his own mirror.  I have learned that I may never trust him again in my life, the way I used to and unfortunately, I may never like the person he has become. If there is even an ounce of the man, I had met in 1997 left in him, I doubt he even likes the person he has become too.  But none of this matters, because he will have to face these demons on his own terms and at a time when he is ready to make changes.  I wish him luck on his own self discovery.

I haven’t forgiven him for some of the things he has done to me and to our family.  I know that to be totally free and to let go of what has happened,  I must forgive him completely. I still struggle with this idea, am I giving him justification for what he has done and would I be letting him off the hook?  I have forgiven some of the things he has done, but there are still some, hanging around, trying to tighten the noose around my neck.

I wish I could be free of him, but we shared a life and a family and we will always be a part of each other’s life. I plan to keep him at arms length…he doesn’t deserve my love or affection anymore.  We both deserve better than how things fell apart, but none of this matters anymore.  Or does it? I choose not to worry so much about it anymore, I have a train to catch and I have the most incredible ticket in my hand… the freedom to choose who gets to hurt me and who gets to feel my love.

I do wish things had worked out for us.  I wish we had been strong enough to talk to each other, to fight for each other and to not give up on each other.  But, nothing last forever anymore.  Divorce and separations are an  easy out these days, when life gets difficult.  It seems people are too weak or too scared to fight for each other, to love each other through the good times and the bad.  It’s a sad reality and a high statistic and I never imagined that my life would change so significantly and I would have to start over on my own.  I keep, our good memories in tack and I can laugh at some of the crazy things we had done together on good days.  I try to live as honestly as I can and honestly I miss my family as it was.  Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

I started this blog in darkness, trying to cope with a loss so huge and so devastating, that I wanted to share my pain with the world.  I will leave my initial blogs as they are, written in fear and uncertainty. As you read my story, you may come across some of my earliest pieces and it will remind you how fragile humanity can be.  Love each other deeply, but love in honesty!