Category Archives: Online dating

I’ll be okay. Is this what you wanted me to say?

hollywood

I watch way too much television and Hollywood movies.   I need to stop.  I need to remind myself that television shows and movies are written by people with ambitious hearts and wild imaginations.

I want that fairytale romance, where the man looks me into my eyes and right away we both know it was meant to be.  You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that there is nothing in the world that you want more than spending the rest of your life with this person? And you know by the way he looks at you across the crowded room, that he feels the same way.  I haven’t found that look yet and I don’t have that feeling yet.

But who doesn’t want a story like the Notebook?  Who doesn’t want that epic love story about the most perfect couple, that defied all odds and stayed in love? But I need to remind myself that I am not Allie and he is not Noah.  There is no running into each other’s arms, because I don’t think either of us are ready to do that.

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I think I know what I want from a relationship.  I want a man that is romantic, and sends me flowers at work because he was thinking about me and wanted to remind me how much I mean to him.   I want a man that will call me on a Friday afternoon and tell me that he made reservations for us out of town and that he had arranged a babysitter for my kids, all I had to do was pack my bags and be ready to drive off into the sunset with him. I want a man who looks at me and I can see that I am important  to him.

I need the star shine of your heavenly eyes, after the day’s great sun.” – Charles Hanson Towne

The man I have been seeing has a kind heart, he makes me laugh, he doesn’t pressure me to be someone else, he thinks I am funny, he likes my sarcasm.  We can sit  in the same room in total silence, each doing what we want and totally be comfortable doing it, with no pressures to entertain one another.  I like that I can let my guard down with someone I haven’t known for long. He likes me how I am, a little messed up, a little distrustful, with a lot of passion and affection.  I can totally be the person I am, without the pressures  of working tirelessly to change.  Something, I did not have in my last relationship.

 He is not perfect.  His heart has been broken and he doesn’t trust me nor trust himself with me.   He says he doesn’t make plans, he lives day to day and I am not sure what he means by that.  Is this an easy cop out so he does not have to commit to me or to a relationship.  Did making plans with someone in his past teach him never to plan for the future because people just disappoint you? I know that I have learned the same lesson at some point in my life.  People don’t always tell you that they don’t want the life you both had planned together.

Is it up to me to show him that I am worth the risk, that I am not and will never be the women he dated before me.  I don’t like the woman he dated before me.  They have made  this hard for me.  I am left to clean up the mess they made and the vibes I am getting is this mess is huge.  I don’t know the details and I don’t think I want to.  What I know is that he mentioned something about loyalty, change and emotions and I figured it was best not to ask any more questions.

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He keeps me at arms length most of the time. I have a suspicion I am doing the same too.  It seems neither of us trusts the other with our hearts.  It feels pathetic and somewhat passionate at times, that the more we try to persuade our hearts not to get involved with each other, the more we want each other.  We both want a relationship, but on our terms only. It seems like the most perfect love story, heartbreaking and exhilarating all at the same time.

Most people would tell me to walk away from this relationship, there is nothing tying us together, we don’t have any children together, we haven’t been seeing each other long enough, the break will be clean, I won’t even miss him.  But then, I will only do what the man before him did, walk away from the potential that with a bit of hard work, things can work out.  I don’t like giving up on people and I don’t like people giving up on me.

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I know that he has thought of walking away too.  There are days where he goes silent and where his conversations with me are short.  And I let him slowly push me away,  because maybe it would be easier for me if he decided for both of us this isn’t what we want.  I close my eyes and pray that we both can slowly fade out of each other’s lives and keep the little time we had together, hidden beneath the scars in our hearts.

Then we miss each other and someone caves in and reaches out to connect and restart this painful but sometimes perfect journey back into each other’s lives.  Is this enough for me to stay?  I am his girl and he is my boy and for now, I think we are ok with this.  I just don’t know who will cave in this time…..

THE DATING APPEAL

I have had a few people message me and I have had some decent conversations over the last few days.  I have blocked a few and told a few where to go and kept a few conversations going.  I don’t know if this thing sort of dating is for me.  I am literally thinking of putting my Facebook status as “I am single, hook me up, please make sure he is not an idiot, he has no issues, and he won’t send me messages about oral sex after never meeting me….”  I can’t do that, I have my fifteen year old son who is on my friend list but there has to be a better way to meet good men, than this process.

So, as I said I have spoken to a few men, so I want to share my experience with the world.  I need your advice, why am I attracting men who are a bit on the different side, instead of a hunk, with a nice bank account, a house I can decorate, no ex wife hanging around and the staying power to hold a conversation.  This has been my prospects as of late:

Guy #1, his first message entailed asking me if I was a hot thin woman.  I asked him if he was hot, then he told me he was hot, built and had blue eyes(sure you are, with no picture on your profile).  I told him what he was saying didn’t tell me much about who he was, so he asked me to tell him something hot about myself.  At this point, I rolled my brown eyes, with my thin body and told him that he was boring me.  Hence, end of conversation.

Guy #2, sent me a message about wanting me to show him to ride my broom(my profile mentioned I had super powers and I oversee the city on a broom) and going to a U2 concert.  I responded telling him that U2 was centuries ago when music was tasteful.  I never heard from him again.  Maybe he thought I was calling him old…I was calling us both old…oh well.

Guy #3, said he liked my profile and if I was interested we could get together.  He went on to say something about us deciding together…deciding what? I never responded

Guy #4, was 25(I am 41) sent me a message LOL.  Why he was yelling at me, I still haven’t figured out.  All I know is I will not be anyone’s notch in their belt.  I never responded

Guy #5, said he was writing jokes for our date…I never realized my profile said anyone who responded to me, would get a date.  I asked him to tell me a joke. He told me that I screwed him up and that was the only joke he wrote to get my attention.  I didn’t laugh, its lame.  Conversation died out.

Guy #6, said hey.  I was bored so I said hey back. He then asked if I had a picture.  I told him I had many.  Then he wanted me to send him a few.  I responded “And why would I assume you are entitled to my picture because you said hey what’s up.  I choose to not upload a pic for my own safety.  You should message others whose pics are already visible.  Yeah, never heard from him again.

Guy #7 sent me a long winded message about how funny, adventurous, loving, caring and affectionate he was.  He then went on to say he was over his ex(he is probably lying) and that he wasn’t looking for a fling(he probable is).  I responded asking him how he was. He immediately asked for a picture, I said not at this time.  Conversation ended

Guy #8, was 25, said he lied about being 44 so he could meet older women because he was some stud or something like that.  I wished him fun on his search and I was not interested in games

Guy #9, we have been chatting on and off.  He asked for a picture, I was busy, he got upset, I put him in his place, he kept chatting to me.  Sounds like love.

Guy #10, sent me a message about me saving him, and then so many spelling errors I was repulsed

Guy #11 was not pleasing to the eyes

Guy #12 and I have been talking, switched numbers and have been texting.  He seems decent enough

Guy #13 and I had a great conversation, he made me laugh, he seemed like a really nice guy.  He had no picture either and I thought, this is perfect we could get to know each other without the pretension of looks.  We could build the most fabulous relationship, we could tell our friends and children how we met, online with no picture.  Then we switched pictures yesterday.  I just can’t date a man, I have no attraction to, no matter how intellectual our conversations are.  And damn! He knew how to spell and use grammar too!

Guy #14 can not spell for the life of him.  Huge turn off!

Guy #15 Asked me if I liked bad boys, I said some women do.  He then asked what I was looking for, I told him I had a long list of qualities.  When you want to get rid of a man, tell him you have standards and you have a list of qualities you want.  This guy ran for the hills.

Guy #16 is known to me.  I am entertaining myself talking to him.

Guy #17 Is a massage therapist, and for some reason I guess talking about massages and oral sex impresses women.  I told him, it doesn’t impress me at all. I am not sure if he will message me again.

Guy #18 is very special to my heart.  Started off nice enough, conversation was flowing, he had a hot tub and a motorcycle.  I was like where have you been most of my life. Then he did the unthinkable.  He felt comfortable enough to send me a message of what kind of oral sex he was going to give me, and then something about how he learned a lot over the year and wanted to teach these new things to me.  It took me a few hours to respond to him, but I kindly told him I did not appreciate messages of this detail and that he may use this kind of pick up line with other ladies, but not this one.  Blocked this one!

This has been less than a week of online dating, or online world of crazy men, who are looking for God knows what.  I don’t know about you, but I am very scared I have to go get some cats to keep me company.

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Image appreciation to Randy Glasbergen’s awesome website

Online Dating….

Well, I have finally succumbed to the mysterious world of online dating.  I created myself a profile a few nights ago, because it was either I get a bunch of cats or I try out this dating thing after 16 years off the market.  It’s still early to make an intellectual analysis of meeting people online, but I can say it’s pretty tricky to pick the liars out from those who are telling the truth.  I have heard of people finding their true love online and relationships do work out, its not all bad.

We are all so busy with our lives, that its so hard to meet people who share the same interests as you do. I have a method already, I am not sure if it will work in the long term.  Before I read a message from anyone, I check out the profile, I scroll down to see what they like to do for in their spare time, I match up my own interests with theirs, then I decide, if a response is a waste of both our times.  Sometimes, I respond because I am bored and need entertainment.  Most times, I roll my eyes at the stupidity that I read.  My biggest bone, is grammar.  Please people, use capital letters, use periods, use grammar!  Nothing bothers me more.

Well, I am giving it a try and I will be able to judge for myself.  Maybe, I will find someone who will surprise me, maybe my true love is out there somewhere, in the World Wide Web…..I will let you know.  Who knows how this new adventure will turn out.

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