Category Archives: Dating

Playing House

My boyfriend is house hunting.  He asked me to tag along with him as he looks for the most perfect home.  He and I are over 700 kilometres apart as he took a huge job promotion.

My boyfriend sends me pictures of all the places he is looking at and I give him my opinion.  I told him I like lakefront houses after I spent a day at my friend’s property.  Now all he wants to see is lakefront homes and I love him more because I know that he is putting me in his future.

I think we are both daydreaming about what it would be like to live together as we are finding it very hard to be apart.  It’s a huge sacrifice on both our parts as we are very new to each other and want to spend every waking moment together.  Ever since we met we spent every day together even if it was for a few hours.  It has been a transition to not see him everyday, not being able to touch him but only having the chance to hear his voice or see his name come across my phone, telling me I have a text message.

We are certainly learning to fall in love with each other and distance is a test of our commitment to each other.

So, my sweet man came across this house.  Lakefront house to be correct.  It is absolutely lovely, wood floors throughout, deck and enough bedrooms for a family.  I told him he should get it because the price is just right.

He says he is not ready to buy a place like that yet.  He says he needs to deal with his bullshit(ex wife and separation) and in a year he will will be ready to buy a house like that.

I tell him that it sounds like a good idea.  Maybe in a year, if we are still dating “we” can get a place like that together and maybe that house will still be available.  My boyfriend says “You never know.  Be optimistic.”  I tell him I am optimistic.  Then I tell him not to screw it up. We both laugh.

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SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE

My friend is mad at me. She hasn’t talked to me in 24 hours and I don’t really care. Finally, I don’ have to listen to how dangerous her life is and the fact that maybe one day you won’t return home from one of your dates.

The fact is she has a wonderful life and she doesn’t respect it enough to live it properly. I think that some people should be banned from having the responsibility of protecting their lives and someone else should make decisions for them. Like a power of attorney or a trustee, for those who suck at life.

My friend has an online dating profile and she has no idea how to date responsibly. She invites strange men over to her house on the first date. She is under the impression that she is some mind reader and that she can distinguish between the truth and lie. She believes everything that men tell her and she continues to put herself and her daughter at risk.

I can’t even count how many times; she has invited a strange man over to her house to meet her for the first time. I can’t even count how many of them she has slept with on the first date. I can’t even count how many of them just use her for sex and never called her again.  She never learns.

sex

This week, she has been “fucking”(she calls it dating) this guy. She doesn’t even find him attractive, but she fell in love with his personality. The fact is, that people can be anything they want on the Internet and tell you anything they want you to hear. At the end of the day, a person’s online personality can’t be a good judge of character.

This man my friend has been hanging around with does not own a cell phone. This was the first red flag; everyone and their grandparents own a cell phone. I mentioned to her that this seemed a bit off and she told me that he was “old fashioned.” My mother is old fashioned too, but she still owns a cell phone and she is way older than “Mr. I don’t own a cell phone.”

So the only way my dear friend could communicate with this man was through email or on the dating website. Anyone can have an “extra” email account in order to keep people at arm’s length. And the fact that he still wants to communicate with her through the dating profile is just downright suspicious to me.

Furthermore, this man has never taken her out in public. He has never brought her a meal or introduced her to anyone in his life. I never liked what I did know about this man. Maybe it has been my experience with my cheating ex and his lies but I no longer take at face value what people say. People’s actions mean more than their words.

But for some reason she fell in love. He was the man for her and she began to plan their lives together. I wanted to yell out that he is not your man, but some guy your giving the sweet treats to when he hasn’t even proven that he deserves it. But I stayed silent, quietly challenging her perception of the relationship.

I encouraged her to ask him what he wanted because I suspected that the few times he slept with her was what he wanted. When someone asks you “what are you doing tonight?” and your response is “You, I hope.” Why are you then surprised that your entire relationship is based on sex? I think I would have responded to the question, with something that would tell this man, that I wanted something a little more that sex.

So, she had the “talk” with him. This man turned around and deleted his dating profile. She never heard from him again. He didn’t even respond to her desperate email about what happened? She wanted to know if he was mad at her and she wanted him to call her. I was embarrassed for her.

The day after she had the “talk” with this man, she found another man to replace him and went on a date. She told me that this man was gross, he looked worn out and he smelled like an ashtray. She went on to tell me that kissing him was gross. I asked her why did she kiss him and she told me that she wanted to see “if I could like him.”

I don’t understand why people force themselves to like other people. If I don’t like you, I have no reason to pretend. I just don’t hang around or do anything with you. I didn’t get it and I didn’t understand how you kiss someone you don’t’ wan to kiss. I also, don’t understand how you agree to meet someone after talking to him or her less than 24 hours.

I finally told her that she should probably take herself off the dating market and focus on herself and she should stop giving these men her vagina in order for them to fall in love with her. I also told her to stop sending pictures of herself in lingerie and to stop having sexually explicit conversations with strangers online. It’s pretty dangerous and irresponsible.

She hasn’t talked to me since, but I don’t care. I would rather that she is mad at me for the truth than in a coffin because I lied.

 

Where have you been?

I have been seeing this man since the day, the other man who could not allow himself to have any emotions for me allowed his baby mama to text me a message to back off because I wasn’t so special.

I guess I am very special because the man I am seeing got stood up on the first date. I was supposed to meet him at Chapters but decided I wasn’t into meeting anyone ever again. So, he messaged me asked me where I was and if I was still coming to meet him. I made up some lame “family emergency” excuse. Then I felt bad and we continued to chat and exchanged phone numbers.

He made me laugh and I made him laugh. So, I suggested me meet and I promised I would show up. Since that day, we have been seeing one another and it’s getting serious.

I have deleted my online dating profile after we decided to be exclusive. He has currently moved 8 hours away from me, but our affection for each other keeps getting stronger. He is smart(a Vice Principal), cute, caring, generous, funny and human.

We are far from perfect and have had a few times where we have argued, but at the end of the day we want each other. We are a great team and I am so excited to see what our future holds. When I kiss him, I can see the next 60 years of my life and I want him there every step of the way.

Love is the most powerful drug in the world.

 

 

Still Believing

The drama with the man who could not allow himself to have any emotions  his over.  I am thankful.  It was a bumpty road that finally ended on a Sunday morning when he allowed his “baby mama” to text me some random message about how they were in some relationship and I needed to back off.  She then said something about me not being special.  I tend to disagree with her on that point as I am more than special,  I am awesome.

I was a little bit shocked at the whole nonsense as he told me that she somehow walked into his house while he was asleep, stole his phone and texted all the females on his phone.  He then told me that it was not the first time that she had done that.  I would have locked my door after the first incident, but apparently he couldn’t figure out a way to keep her out of his home if he did not want her there.

At the end of the day, he choose his daughter over a relationship.  He feels that when he finds someone he wants to date, his “baby mama” gets angry and withholds his daughter from him.  He couldn’t figure our or he did not want to figure out that he needed to take this woman to court so that he did not have to make any compromises with his happiness.   Or maybe deep down he loved her still.  Or he was cheating on her with me.  Either way, the drama is over and I have had to move on.

I am a little bit pissed off at myself for wasting my time in a relationship that was not going to ever go anywhere.  I just wish he had been up front and honest with me in the beginning and told me that he had no inclination of ever taking our relationship anywhere.  But its ok.  In every bad situation, there are always lessons to be learned.

I was about to swear off dating for the rest of my life.  Seriously.  I am tired of meeting men that are only interested in sex and nothing beyond that. They pretend that they want more from you and talk a good talk.  But I don’t know how many times my intelligence was insulted by some asshole, loser pretending to be endearing.  It’s like all the married men prowl the online dating sites, looking for women they can use to their advantage.

I want a relationship with someone I adore.  I want to be with someone who wants to be with me for who I am.  The intelligent, creative, crazy, angry, bitter, loving, generous, broken, hurt and most wonderful woman.  I want tha forever love that is so rare, but still very possible.  I believe in it.

I decided to be honest on my online dating profile.  I figured I had nothing to lose by telling the men who would potentially want to meet me, exactly what I was looking for.  I wanted men to know that I no longer wanted to play around with my heart or my life in any way.  I am getting way too old for jerking around and pretending that what I want does not matter.

I did not plan to get back into any form of a relationship with a man who did not know what he wanted but felt it was fine to stick around and play with my feelings.  So one night I decided I was going to lay it all out there for everyone to see.  There was nothing more I could lose.  This is my current online dating profile:

I will be very honest, I am looking for a man to marry. One day. I don’t really think that I will find that person on here, but the journey to find my soul mate should be fun. Right? I mean, what story will we tell our grandchildren about how we looked across the room and instantly fell in love with each other? The story should have a climax…and a happy ending. So, I have been here before. I think most of the men I talk to are not very honest about what they want or more what they really look like. When a man sends you a picture from 1998, claiming he still looks this way after 16 years, I am not sure who the hell he is trying to fool. But it is not me. I am not afraid to say how I feel, when I feel it. Yes, I am looking for someone to marry eventually…but I don’t plan to waste my time with in between relationships that have no substance. Only contact me if you want to meet a down to earth, intelligent, funny and great human being. Hope you find what your looking for.
After I posted this very honest and open request, I could not believe how many men began to contact me.  Many were just floored at my honesty and they liked it.  Some felt that many other woman wanted to say what I said, but were too fearful to admit their own truth.  Many men respected me putting it out there.  When I compare how many more men contacted me after using this profile rather than the carefully crafted one, eliminating any consideration of what I want. This profile wins hands down, that a few of my friends decided that they too wanted to let the men know, exactly what they wanted.
The reality is I do not want to date for the rest of my life.  I want a partner, a lover,  best friend and a defender.
Currently, I am dating a pretty amazing man who makes me laugh, is intelligent and thinks that I am absolutely amazing also.  I haven’t yet figured out all his faults, but the ones I see are definitely something I could live with.
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DATING A YOUNGER MAN

I put myself on the dating market in the last few months.  I haven’t been really committed to finding someone to share my life with.  I have been selfish and like that I live alone, I can date who I want and I can take my time and not rush into anything that has to do with my heart.

The men in my age group are beginning to look much older than they should.  I am not sure why some men feel that when they hit a certain age it is no longer important that their appearances matter.  It does matter and I am not drawn to a man who has let himself go.

Younger men are naturally drawn to me. The last man I was romantically interested in when my relationship ended and I was on the rebound, was twelve years younger.  His enthusiasm for life was exhilarating and consuming.  He had so many dreams he wanted to fulfill.  He also taught me a thing or two in many departments.

Many people would not believe it but he understood where I was at that time in my life.  He was the first man I had been sexually active with in 16 years. He understood my heart was lonely and I had no idea where I was headed and how I would get there.  He knew my feelings still ran deep for my ex partner and he was just a bump on the road.

The romantic feelings fizzled out between us.   He lived about eight hours away, so that did not help to maintain our relationship.  We both needed to grow up emotionally and it would never work out between us.  To this day,  we still send each other random messages to see where we are in our journey.  He is now dating and seems to be in love with a woman his age.  I am happy that he found love, even if it took him down the path of hooking up with an older woman.

Right now, another younger man has his sights on me.  The age difference isn’t so dramatic and I am not so lost anymore.  He thinks I am the funniest person ever and I love that I can put a smile on his face.   I have tried to squash his enthusiasm in this relationship, but he just won’t have any of that.  His energy for life is a definite match for what I am looking for.

Some days, I feel that I have found bliss and the momentum drives me to see what this crazy journey will entail.  Other days, I find myself reverting back to my old behaviours of questioning his intentions, analyzing his words or lack of them and trying my best not to let my heart get involved.

There are no rules out there for men who find themselves attracted to women who may have been learning to drive for the first time while they were still in diapers.   This is what I have learned from being a cougar(so to speak) and having a cub:

  1.  Do not tell her she looks good for her age.  What did you expect, her to walk in the restaurant with a cane and a life alert bracelet.

  2.  Yes, we may have children and they are part of the package.  You won’t be her top priority.  Being spontaneous takes a backseat to homework, teenage angst and making lunches.

  3. We are at our sexual peak and we know what we like and do not like in the bedroom.  We can teach you a thing or two.  We may have tried it, created it,  or considered it.

  4.  We have our own lives and we do not need your approval to do what we want when we want to.  Period!

  5.  We don’t want you as our Facebook friend.  It’s mysterious and refreshing to know that we don’t need to monitor what we  say. And we don’t have time to like all your status updates.  Even if it is about us.

  6. We have gotten this far without you.  We have relationships behind out.  We have had our hearts broken and we know about difficult times. We won’t fall apart without you, but its nice to know your in our corner cheering us on.

  7. We can make you a better man.  We know about dreams we didn’t follow or goals we didn’t set.  If we care about you, we want you to be the best you can be.

  8.  We won’t change to appease you.  We know how to make decisions and we have our own opinions.  We won’t try to change you either, we already tried it or considered doing it in our last relationships.  We have learned, you can’t change anyone.

  9.  We know all the tricks, we heard all the lines and we can see right though you.  So be on your best behaviour at all times.

  10.  We know people will have lots to say about your relationship.  Do not let their judgements sway how you feel.  Some relationships last and some don’t.  It’s never about the number of years between you.  Just enjoy the journey, you may regret it one day.

 

 

THE DATING APPEAL

I have had a few people message me and I have had some decent conversations over the last few days.  I have blocked a few and told a few where to go and kept a few conversations going.  I don’t know if this thing sort of dating is for me.  I am literally thinking of putting my Facebook status as “I am single, hook me up, please make sure he is not an idiot, he has no issues, and he won’t send me messages about oral sex after never meeting me….”  I can’t do that, I have my fifteen year old son who is on my friend list but there has to be a better way to meet good men, than this process.

So, as I said I have spoken to a few men, so I want to share my experience with the world.  I need your advice, why am I attracting men who are a bit on the different side, instead of a hunk, with a nice bank account, a house I can decorate, no ex wife hanging around and the staying power to hold a conversation.  This has been my prospects as of late:

Guy #1, his first message entailed asking me if I was a hot thin woman.  I asked him if he was hot, then he told me he was hot, built and had blue eyes(sure you are, with no picture on your profile).  I told him what he was saying didn’t tell me much about who he was, so he asked me to tell him something hot about myself.  At this point, I rolled my brown eyes, with my thin body and told him that he was boring me.  Hence, end of conversation.

Guy #2, sent me a message about wanting me to show him to ride my broom(my profile mentioned I had super powers and I oversee the city on a broom) and going to a U2 concert.  I responded telling him that U2 was centuries ago when music was tasteful.  I never heard from him again.  Maybe he thought I was calling him old…I was calling us both old…oh well.

Guy #3, said he liked my profile and if I was interested we could get together.  He went on to say something about us deciding together…deciding what? I never responded

Guy #4, was 25(I am 41) sent me a message LOL.  Why he was yelling at me, I still haven’t figured out.  All I know is I will not be anyone’s notch in their belt.  I never responded

Guy #5, said he was writing jokes for our date…I never realized my profile said anyone who responded to me, would get a date.  I asked him to tell me a joke. He told me that I screwed him up and that was the only joke he wrote to get my attention.  I didn’t laugh, its lame.  Conversation died out.

Guy #6, said hey.  I was bored so I said hey back. He then asked if I had a picture.  I told him I had many.  Then he wanted me to send him a few.  I responded “And why would I assume you are entitled to my picture because you said hey what’s up.  I choose to not upload a pic for my own safety.  You should message others whose pics are already visible.  Yeah, never heard from him again.

Guy #7 sent me a long winded message about how funny, adventurous, loving, caring and affectionate he was.  He then went on to say he was over his ex(he is probably lying) and that he wasn’t looking for a fling(he probable is).  I responded asking him how he was. He immediately asked for a picture, I said not at this time.  Conversation ended

Guy #8, was 25, said he lied about being 44 so he could meet older women because he was some stud or something like that.  I wished him fun on his search and I was not interested in games

Guy #9, we have been chatting on and off.  He asked for a picture, I was busy, he got upset, I put him in his place, he kept chatting to me.  Sounds like love.

Guy #10, sent me a message about me saving him, and then so many spelling errors I was repulsed

Guy #11 was not pleasing to the eyes

Guy #12 and I have been talking, switched numbers and have been texting.  He seems decent enough

Guy #13 and I had a great conversation, he made me laugh, he seemed like a really nice guy.  He had no picture either and I thought, this is perfect we could get to know each other without the pretension of looks.  We could build the most fabulous relationship, we could tell our friends and children how we met, online with no picture.  Then we switched pictures yesterday.  I just can’t date a man, I have no attraction to, no matter how intellectual our conversations are.  And damn! He knew how to spell and use grammar too!

Guy #14 can not spell for the life of him.  Huge turn off!

Guy #15 Asked me if I liked bad boys, I said some women do.  He then asked what I was looking for, I told him I had a long list of qualities.  When you want to get rid of a man, tell him you have standards and you have a list of qualities you want.  This guy ran for the hills.

Guy #16 is known to me.  I am entertaining myself talking to him.

Guy #17 Is a massage therapist, and for some reason I guess talking about massages and oral sex impresses women.  I told him, it doesn’t impress me at all. I am not sure if he will message me again.

Guy #18 is very special to my heart.  Started off nice enough, conversation was flowing, he had a hot tub and a motorcycle.  I was like where have you been most of my life. Then he did the unthinkable.  He felt comfortable enough to send me a message of what kind of oral sex he was going to give me, and then something about how he learned a lot over the year and wanted to teach these new things to me.  It took me a few hours to respond to him, but I kindly told him I did not appreciate messages of this detail and that he may use this kind of pick up line with other ladies, but not this one.  Blocked this one!

This has been less than a week of online dating, or online world of crazy men, who are looking for God knows what.  I don’t know about you, but I am very scared I have to go get some cats to keep me company.

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Image appreciation to Randy Glasbergen’s awesome website