Still Believing

The drama with the man who could not allow himself to have any emotions  his over.  I am thankful.  It was a bumpty road that finally ended on a Sunday morning when he allowed his “baby mama” to text me some random message about how they were in some relationship and I needed to back off.  She then said something about me not being special.  I tend to disagree with her on that point as I am more than special,  I am awesome.

I was a little bit shocked at the whole nonsense as he told me that she somehow walked into his house while he was asleep, stole his phone and texted all the females on his phone.  He then told me that it was not the first time that she had done that.  I would have locked my door after the first incident, but apparently he couldn’t figure out a way to keep her out of his home if he did not want her there.

At the end of the day, he choose his daughter over a relationship.  He feels that when he finds someone he wants to date, his “baby mama” gets angry and withholds his daughter from him.  He couldn’t figure our or he did not want to figure out that he needed to take this woman to court so that he did not have to make any compromises with his happiness.   Or maybe deep down he loved her still.  Or he was cheating on her with me.  Either way, the drama is over and I have had to move on.

I am a little bit pissed off at myself for wasting my time in a relationship that was not going to ever go anywhere.  I just wish he had been up front and honest with me in the beginning and told me that he had no inclination of ever taking our relationship anywhere.  But its ok.  In every bad situation, there are always lessons to be learned.

I was about to swear off dating for the rest of my life.  Seriously.  I am tired of meeting men that are only interested in sex and nothing beyond that. They pretend that they want more from you and talk a good talk.  But I don’t know how many times my intelligence was insulted by some asshole, loser pretending to be endearing.  It’s like all the married men prowl the online dating sites, looking for women they can use to their advantage.

I want a relationship with someone I adore.  I want to be with someone who wants to be with me for who I am.  The intelligent, creative, crazy, angry, bitter, loving, generous, broken, hurt and most wonderful woman.  I want tha forever love that is so rare, but still very possible.  I believe in it.

I decided to be honest on my online dating profile.  I figured I had nothing to lose by telling the men who would potentially want to meet me, exactly what I was looking for.  I wanted men to know that I no longer wanted to play around with my heart or my life in any way.  I am getting way too old for jerking around and pretending that what I want does not matter.

I did not plan to get back into any form of a relationship with a man who did not know what he wanted but felt it was fine to stick around and play with my feelings.  So one night I decided I was going to lay it all out there for everyone to see.  There was nothing more I could lose.  This is my current online dating profile:

I will be very honest, I am looking for a man to marry. One day. I don’t really think that I will find that person on here, but the journey to find my soul mate should be fun. Right? I mean, what story will we tell our grandchildren about how we looked across the room and instantly fell in love with each other? The story should have a climax…and a happy ending. So, I have been here before. I think most of the men I talk to are not very honest about what they want or more what they really look like. When a man sends you a picture from 1998, claiming he still looks this way after 16 years, I am not sure who the hell he is trying to fool. But it is not me. I am not afraid to say how I feel, when I feel it. Yes, I am looking for someone to marry eventually…but I don’t plan to waste my time with in between relationships that have no substance. Only contact me if you want to meet a down to earth, intelligent, funny and great human being. Hope you find what your looking for.
After I posted this very honest and open request, I could not believe how many men began to contact me.  Many were just floored at my honesty and they liked it.  Some felt that many other woman wanted to say what I said, but were too fearful to admit their own truth.  Many men respected me putting it out there.  When I compare how many more men contacted me after using this profile rather than the carefully crafted one, eliminating any consideration of what I want. This profile wins hands down, that a few of my friends decided that they too wanted to let the men know, exactly what they wanted.
The reality is I do not want to date for the rest of my life.  I want a partner, a lover,  best friend and a defender.
Currently, I am dating a pretty amazing man who makes me laugh, is intelligent and thinks that I am absolutely amazing also.  I haven’t yet figured out all his faults, but the ones I see are definitely something I could live with.

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