DATING A YOUNGER MAN

I put myself on the dating market in the last few months.  I haven’t been really committed to finding someone to share my life with.  I have been selfish and like that I live alone, I can date who I want and I can take my time and not rush into anything that has to do with my heart.

The men in my age group are beginning to look much older than they should.  I am not sure why some men feel that when they hit a certain age it is no longer important that their appearances matter.  It does matter and I am not drawn to a man who has let himself go.

Younger men are naturally drawn to me. The last man I was romantically interested in when my relationship ended and I was on the rebound, was twelve years younger.  His enthusiasm for life was exhilarating and consuming.  He had so many dreams he wanted to fulfill.  He also taught me a thing or two in many departments.

Many people would not believe it but he understood where I was at that time in my life.  He was the first man I had been sexually active with in 16 years. He understood my heart was lonely and I had no idea where I was headed and how I would get there.  He knew my feelings still ran deep for my ex partner and he was just a bump on the road.

The romantic feelings fizzled out between us.   He lived about eight hours away, so that did not help to maintain our relationship.  We both needed to grow up emotionally and it would never work out between us.  To this day,  we still send each other random messages to see where we are in our journey.  He is now dating and seems to be in love with a woman his age.  I am happy that he found love, even if it took him down the path of hooking up with an older woman.

Right now, another younger man has his sights on me.  The age difference isn’t so dramatic and I am not so lost anymore.  He thinks I am the funniest person ever and I love that I can put a smile on his face.   I have tried to squash his enthusiasm in this relationship, but he just won’t have any of that.  His energy for life is a definite match for what I am looking for.

Some days, I feel that I have found bliss and the momentum drives me to see what this crazy journey will entail.  Other days, I find myself reverting back to my old behaviours of questioning his intentions, analyzing his words or lack of them and trying my best not to let my heart get involved.

There are no rules out there for men who find themselves attracted to women who may have been learning to drive for the first time while they were still in diapers.   This is what I have learned from being a cougar(so to speak) and having a cub:

1.  Do not tell her she looks good for her age.  What did you expect, her to walk in the restaurant with a cane and a life alert bracelet.

2.  Yes, we may have children and they are part of the package.  You won’t be her top priority.  Being spontaneous takes a backseat to homework, teenage angst and making lunches.

3. We are at our sexual peak and we know what we like and do not like in the bedroom.  We can teach you a thing or two.  We may have tried it, created it,  or considered it.

4.  We have our own lives and we do not need your approval to do what we want when we want to.  Period!

5.  We don’t want you as our Facebook friend.  It’s mysterious and refreshing to know that we don’t need to monitor what we  say. And we don’t have time to like all your status updates.  Even if it is about us.

6. We have gotten this far without you.  We have relationships behind out.  We have had our hearts broken and we know about difficult times. We won’t fall apart without you, but its nice to know your in our corner cheering us on.

7. We can make you a better man.  We know about dreams we didn’t follow or goals we didn’t set.  If we care about you, we want you to be the best you can be.

8.  We won’t change to appease you.  We know how to make decisions and we have our own opinions.  We won’t try to change you either, we already tried it or considered doing it in our last relationships.  We have learned, you can’t change anyone.

9.  We know all the tricks, we heard all the lines and we can see right though you.  So be on your best behaviour at all times.

10.  We know people will have lots to say about your relationship.  Do not let their judgements sway how you feel.  Some relationships last and some don’t.  It’s never about the number of years between you.  Just enjoy the journey, you may regret it one day.